One of my favorite questions to ask when getting to know someone new is, “Do you have values?” It’s a question that cuts to the core, one that you can’t gloss over or second guess. The moment the question is asked, any hesitation, any “let me think,” any string of adjectives you recall speaks volumes. Sometimes, the silence speaks louder. Sometimes, a bewildered “What do you mean by values?” is the most telling response of all.
Values are a specific set of beliefs and behavior patterns we hold dear, appreciate in others, and strive to uphold in ourselves. They endure through all circumstances. The more steadfast we are to our values, the clearer we become about who we are and what we intend, both to ourselves and to others. Our values are the keystones of our character. They define the edges of our personality. While we can refine our words and polish our conversations, our values remain unchangeable. They are the first to reveal themselves when things go wrong. They shape our boundaries and set our standards for self-respect.
Finding and holding onto values is the hardest part. Reflect on what you admire in others and in your environment. Ask yourself if you want to embody those traits. Can you adhere to them no matter what? Do they represent your true self, and are they aligned with your actions?
When life challenges us, we might feel tempted to “reframe” and “relabel” things by altering our “values.” But true resilience comes from staying loyal to your core values. Have a few, but be unwavering in them. They will guide you to safe shores, lift you when you’re down, and light your way in the dark. Strengthen them by simply being true to them.
So, do you have values?